Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
