He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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