i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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