he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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