And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You left your phone here
Wait...
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