Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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