you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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