just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
