You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
