Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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