you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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