I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
