I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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