is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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