I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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