I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
