Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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