i just google imaged poop.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize