some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
