your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
