We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
