she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
