I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
