I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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