she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
