I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
