yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
