Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am full of burrito and curiosity
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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