I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
