in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
