felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
