Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
