Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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