just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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