My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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