Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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