there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
did i walk over a car last night?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
