I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
