I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
