oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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