how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
