Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
