Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
