the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
