currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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