I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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