He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
