I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
