did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i out mim tonsoeep
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