the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This baby is an asshole
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
