You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
