I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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