goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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