conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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