it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
