i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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