I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
