apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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