Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
