how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
