You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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