I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
