im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
