I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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