the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
