Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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